23 November, 2013

Maybe, just maybe, for once...

Just for information, this post will be longer than usual. I'm depressed. My day was awful. It started pretty good, it's weekend and I decided to take a day off. I'm not studying today. Never mind the consequences. I have two big tests next week but I'm dead tired. I can't do anything. So, I watched my favorite show at the moment (Adini Feriha Koydum/I named her Feriha) and I was in bed the entire morning. It felt great. And then, of course, something had to ruin my heaven... Meet my dad. We had a huge fight over some stupid thing and now, few hours later, we're acting like everything's OK. Well, it's not. I'll write a new post just about that topic about my father because I think there are a lot of people who are not getting along with their families. I could write about that every day... Unfortunately... But, there's also a bright side to this day. So I hope. For a few days now, I've been talking to this guy... Talking... I mean texting on Facebook. He's nice. Although we have been mostly talking about collage and studying, we have some things in common. I'm waiting for the right moment to ask him something personal, something to connect us. Not a big deal, just to maybe become friends. My heart has been confused for the most of my life. When I read my diary it seems I have been in love 500 times. Every guy that talked to me was the love of my life. It's crazy, I know. And I realized that about two days after I "fell in love". And I never learned that feeling isn't true. Of course, every guy "broke my heart". And felt stupid every time. How could I think that way? Well, you've seen me in the story before about Mr. T. and Miss D. I am not normal. I think I'm that way because I never had a guy friend. A real friend. I talk to them only when I find myself in their presence and about school/collage. Never about something private. Not even about what they did during weekend. And I'm changing that. I'm in collage, I need to change my life for the better. If I don't do it now, I probably never will... So, I don't think this guy, Mr. M., thinks of me as a friend yet, but I hope he thinks I'm nice, polite, maybe even funny and worth talking to. Obviously. :) The only problem is that we don't talk in person. Only if we're somewhere alone, if we run into each other in the hallway or something like that. It's because he hangs out with two guys I don't talk to and we've actually never met. But we act like we did and, if necessary, we can talk but only a sentence or two about collage. And I hang out with the girls he doesn't talk to. That's a big problem if you think about it. You know how it is... You can't just start talking to someone without any rumours. And now I'm thinking how to start a conversation. I can't even sit next to him because everybody knows where is who. It's complicated. I won't be stupid this time. I know we won't be in love after two days. I'm giving it all the time in the world. Maybe we'll be best friends, maybe we'll be just friends, maybe we'll be in a relationship and maybe we won't be anything. But I'm going to try. Nobody died of trying. Hopefully I won't be the first one. ;)
Girl thinking of a boy...

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