16 February, 2014

Early morning chat

Hello :)
The Sun is shining, music is playing, the house is empty, chat is open... It is the best feeling ever to wake up like this and have his message waiting for you. Or so they say, I wouldn't know. Or would I? I have no idea what to say... Anyway, I do have his chat opened and we're talking... Can you guess how am I talking about? Yes, it's M. (I told you I'm going to lose that "Mr."). No matter what he says, he always puts a smile on my face. I and hate it!! Why? Because I can't have this right now. For starter, I have bigger problems that I don't want to bother anyone with, and did I mention like 200 times that he's in a happy relationship? Well he is. The worst part is I know he'll never look at me like "that". But hope is a bit*h! My motto was always "Hope dies the last.", so yes, I always have hope. And it's awful to hope, to wait for something that will never happen. Don't get me wrong, I like talking to him, I like way things are now, but there will always be this small (or bigger than I want to admit) part of me wanting to change that. I can't ask anyone for advice for two reasons. First one, I have no idea how to explain my feelings, my thoughts... And second, I know what I have to do here, but it's harder than it looks like. I have to give up. I have to be his friend, a friend like he sees me. And he's making it to hard. He's all sweet and sending me these mixed messages (which I like for some unknown reason) and I have no idea what to do. I do, but I don't. Gosh, I could use that turning-off-my-emotions thing I told you about yesterday. I need to concentrate on my exams and this is almost all I can think about. So, I turn on my TV and, before I know it, I lose my entire day on nothing. 
Life is good, right? -.-" (Actually it is. You just have to survive all bad moments to enjoy the good ones...)
Choo choo motherfu*kers ;)

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